While the world’s horribleness might be able to be temporarily disguised by things like cupcakes and bear cubs, the negative aspects eventually become evident. In our world, there are devastating issues like starvation and war, prostitution and poverty that make our world such a bad and terrifying place. But worst of all, there’s homework. (I’m joking. Obviously, everyone knows that homework is far more enjoyable than fighting for one’s life in a third-world country. However, I really felt like I had to impress you all, so I tried for a dramatic intro. Please don’t harass me for my lack of taste and sensitivity. I struggle with it daily. I see a therapist.)
Anyway, homework sucks. Anything from a twenty minute English reading to a six-hour lab report will put me in such a bad mood that I could actually scream at someone. (If you don’t know me, I’m really peaceful, almost like a panda. My skin is also quite soft but that’s irrelevant.) The problem is, my school gives so much work of the home, its like they do it just for giggles. Actually, they probably do. I don’t understand why the teachers can’t just look back upon their childhoods (centuries ago) and make comparisons between themselves and us. Sure, they probably spent their formative years playing kick the can and worrying about what to wear to church, but still, they were children at one period in time. The difference between them and us is that we are children now and we can partake in activities that don’t require taking a pill. (I’m sorry, that was mean. I love old people. They remind me of pandas.) I am fully consumed by having to sleep and eat and play video games and go on Facebook and sleep. (That’s not a typo, I just need to sleep a lot. My sleeping habits have been likened to a hibernating bear. Or a dead person.) Sometimes, I even rouse myself to write for you guys. (Just kidding, I love doing it.) Due to our ridiculously difficult and trying lives, would it not be logical to simply eliminate homework? Its not like it has a purpose or anything. Except for TORTURE. Please. From a child to a middle-aged person. This is as close as we’re ever going to get. Do it for us. We are the future of the world.
On a side note, did any one notice the bear theme throughout this post? Do bears and homework have anything in common? Oh, yes. They both suck when you get attacked by them in national parks. (Hehe. Witty. Doesn’t make much sense, but still kind of smart. Good job, Julian. Go enjoy that snack you’ve been depriving yourself of. Who cares if it has thirty grams of saturated fat? You deserve a treat.)