Fantasy Baseball

If any of you have picked up the most recent copy of People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive, you would see me right there on the cover.  No, not as the sexiest man, that would be Brad Pitt, but it’s very flattering that you thought of me that way.  (No one did.)  Actually, I’m on the sidebar, featured as the only person that ever gained weight on the Biggest Loser.  (No you’re not.  You were too fat to be allowed on the show. Funny.)  Anyway, that was my elaborate and ultimately failed effort at trying to show you that I’m lazy and fat.  (Finally some truth.) So, what do you think would be a way to solve my cumbersome  weight issues?  Watch what I eat?  Sure.  Moderate my soda consumption?  No doubt.  Exercise?  Ha.  Good joke.  However, a few years ago, my over-bearing mother simply had to project herself unto me, and with the goal of gaining the appearance of a refugee, I headed off to baseball camp.  Two hours.  That was all I lasted.  Thankfully, when I came home, I was able to log on to my Fantasy Baseball account, access my team (Thug Life.  Swag.) and play a sport that I was wholly incapable of succeeding in in person, virtually.  For those of you that don’t know what Fantasy Baseball is, here’s a quick explanation.  Step 1: Spend fifty dollars on guide books.  Step 2:  Pick really bad players.  Step 3: Get addicted and spend four hours a day checking Erick Aybar’s statistics.  Step 4: Stalk Erick Aybar.  Step 5: Have constant nervous breakdowns after losing your league and the respect of the world. Step 6: Start again the next year.  While I know that that was a bad explanation, that’s what it means to me.  Unfortunately, having lost the equivalent of four elephants of fat during the baseball offseason, the season is starting back up again and I plan to gain it all back by the middle of March.  (The season starts in April. Indeed.)  If I don’t blog, its only because I lost the computer in between my many layers of fat.  (That was gross. Your face is gross.)  By the way, does anyone know Erick Aybar?  I would really love a face-to-face encounter with him.  Please.  I’m dead serious right now.


About julian822

This blog is informal to say the least. It's almost like an online journal, filled with stories that I find funny, interesting things/links and anything else that comes to my mind. Enjoy.
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