I love you guys. My readers, my family, random 50-year old man who just came across this page in rural Indiana, I salute you all. Without you, this blog would have never been possible and without this blog, I would have no excuse to approach remarkably attractive females. (It’s not like the blog makes any difference. You still get rejected. Yes, but its the effort that counts. I have retained my dignity. At least what little of it remains after my most recent math test.) Now, without the intent to offend or deeply sadden anyone, I must now announce that Attempted Humor will be closing its virtual doors for good. (I’m just screwing with you, but this works as my lead-in for the rest of my post. Sorry about the tears that must have inevitably accompanied that announcement. You are such a pompous and arrogant person. Thank you.) You see, this blog takes up at least an hour of my day. Whether I spend that hour watching television or sleeping, this blog crosses my mind at least once during that time span. (Isn’t it a little creepy that you dream about this blog. Very much so.) I simply cannot have that. Therefore, I find it necessary to eliminate the blog so that I can spend that precious time doing things that actually matter to me, like watching television or sleeping. Good bye.
Hey guys, I’m back! I simply wrote that post to frighten you all and to make you realize how much you appreciate me and value me in your life. And also for you to realize how arrogant of a person I really am. (You’re not that bad. I mean, I know you in person and you’re actually a valiant and heroic young man. Thank you for speaking the truth.)