I love Halloween. I mean, I really really really love Halloween. You see, whenever I normally want to see girls wearing scanty amounts of clothing, I have to delete my Internet history afterwards. However, on this joyous holiday, girls just come up to me and go:
Girl- Guess what I’m dressed up as.
Girl- Wonder Woman.
Me- Oh yeah? Does she always stop crime naked?
Girl- Yeah, totally. Want to go into this dark and empty room and “talk” about it some more?
I know, right! Halloween is totally awesome! You might even say that it’s the best day of the year. And if you did, you are right. However, there are a few negative aspects to consider.
1. Costumes are ridiculously expensive, to the point where I just considered dumping ketchup on my face and going as Qaddafi.
2. Halloween parties can get out of hand. Like really out of hand. Honestly, I think someone might have slipped something into my apple juice last year.
3. Supposedly, trick-or-treating is not recommended at these events. I don’t know why not, but it’s ridiculous and a waste of a valuable opportunity. The entire time, all I can think about is: “I’ve been standing here alone for six minutes. Not only is this incredibly lame, but in the same amount of time, I could have gotten four kit-kats, two crunch bars, a lollipop and a stranger’s delicious piece of unwrapped candy. I seriously need to reconsider my priorities.”
4. The parties make you reconsider your priorities.
5. This one is the worst of them all. Halloween occurs in October which is really cold unless you’re an idiot and live in Florida. So, while I wouldn’t know personally, a lot of people wear the aforementioned scanty costumes, which has led to some painful cases of hypothermia and even a few amputations from frostbite. Again, this is in no way linked to personal experiences at all.
Just wear a coat.