Let’s get something straight: my life is not particularly stressful. I don’t have to deal with too much drama, I have great friends, I even have the time to maintain a fan club for Josh Duhamel.
However, sometimes, you know, I get a little tense and I need to relax a little. When that happens there’s only two things to do.
2. I can get a massage.
Usually, I opt for dem eyes because I don’t have a million billion dollars and I can’t get a massage every hour and a half. (I’m clinically depressed, that’s why I’m sad so often. I don’t like to talk about it.) However, on the off chance that someone feels like giving me a massage as a gift, then I get to go in there and make some random masseuse’s day. In fact, I got a massage today. This was how the discussion went about four hours ago.
Wendy the Masseuse: Mr. Gerson, what an honor it is to rub your back today.
Julian “Swag Master/Founding Father of Awesomeness” Gerson: Oh, you don’t have to say stuff like that. But, yes, it is an honor.
W: I know that normally the person being massaged tips the masseuse, but could I just give you a hundred dollars and my phone. It’s the least I can do, being in your presence and all.
J: Oh, you don’t have to do anything like that. But yes. Only a hundred dollars?
W: I’m so sorry. Between alimony and my addiction to Josh Duhamel posters, it’s all I can scrape together right now.
J: Oh, you don’t need to be sorry. But work on it next time. Rub my back now.
The best thing about massages is the feeling you feel right afterwards. At this moment, I feel a mix between having just seen Inception and understanding it and Josh Duhamel’s ocean blue eyes piercing my heart. Trust me, there’s no better feeling.
Oh, and by the way-