Being Sick

Right now, I have a cold.  Yes, its true.  Someone, jealous of my awesomeness, deliberately infected me so that they could be cooler than me.  Now, my immune system is the coolest one around, they took care of that pretty quick, but for a few days I felt pretty, forgive my Spanish, shitty.  In fact, with so much time lying around in bed doing nothing, I came up with a few ways one could describe being sick.

-An obese Norwegian person sitting on your chest while yodeling and making goat cheese.

-Using a bathroom at McDonalds.

-Talking to Rosie O’Donnell for more than five minutes.

-Having any form of contact, ever, with Rosie O’Donnell.

-When you’re in a car and ten minutes into the three hour ride, your dog throws up on you and you have no tissues or anything so you just kind of wipe it away but there’s chunks and you feel sick and you’re about to throw up but then you stop yourself but then you smell the dog’s vomit and that makes you throw up and you’ve only been in the car for eleven minutes and you’re miserable and the whole trip is ruined.

-Listening to NPR or watching anything on PBS other than Sesame Street.

-When you’re eating at a diner and you see that they don’t have a dishwasher.

-Anytime a Republican (other than Jon Huntsman, he was a boss) speaks.

-Women.  They’re just so gross!  And their cooties, that’s probably what got me sick in the first place.

-Cough, sore throat, nasal congestion, runny nose, and sneezing. (Thanks Web MD!)


About julian822

This blog is informal to say the least. It's almost like an online journal, filled with stories that I find funny, interesting things/links and anything else that comes to my mind. Enjoy.
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