Unless you don’t have a computer or a TV, you’ve probably heard of Sandy. She’s a friend of mine who’s coming to visit late Monday night/Tuesday morning. Sandy won’t be staying for long, but she knows how to make an entrance. However, deep down, no one really knows who she is. People always talk about her behind her back, insulting her and calling her vicious things like “destructive,” “flood-inducing,” and “category 1.” That’s not fair and Sandy’s better than that. I’d like to introduce you to her, but she’s a bit bashful, what with all this attention and everything. So, I made a little questionnaire that she filled out and we hope that by reading it, you’ll realize that Hurricane Sandy isn’t that bad after all. I hope that this rare look into the mind of Sandy will change how you think of her. Sandy’s delicate and intelligent and a great girl. She’s my perfect storm.
What’s your name?
My parents named me Sandra but everybody calls me Sandy. I prefer Sandra but apparently no one cares.
Where are you from?
I was born in the Eastern Caribbean Sea on October 19th, 2012.
What was growing up for you like?
My childhood was really short. I had very little time to get accustomed to the world because my parents made me become a tropical depression only a few days after I was born and from there, well you know. Let’s just say that the world is a rough place and I had to learn that really fast.
Do you have any siblings?
Yeah, but I never got to meet any of them. I don’t know where any of them live or if they’re even alive anymore, but I remember that one of my sister’s names started with a K. Katherine? Kourtney? Kimberly? I’m not sure but it’s something like that.
What’s your favorite song?
Rock You Like a Hurricane by The Scorpions. I don’t know why, they just get me.
What are your interests?
I really like high winds, lots of water, heavy rain, violent thunderstorms, all that fun stuff. Oh and arts and crafts. I just love collage.
If you could choose anywhere in the world to make landfall, what would you pick?
Wow. That’s a great question. If I had to choose one spot, I’d probably say Japan. I’ve always wanted to try sushi.
What about in America?
New Jersey. I just want to make Chris Christie piss his XXXXL sized trousers.
What’s your pet peeve?
What’s one thing you wish you were more appreciated for?
Everyone’s always talking about my destructive power and how I’m just going to kill people and cause hundreds of millions of dollars in damage. I mean, it’s probably true, but it would be nice if just once in a while, someone would point out how well-executed my Halloween costume is. I dressed up as my Aunt Irene but meaner!
Finally, if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My thighs. I hate my thighs.