Baking


Recently, I’ve hit a mid-teenage crisis.  It’s different from a mid-life crisis because I don’t feel the urge to quit my job or buy a Corvette.  Instead, I just feel very stressed.  There are lots of things happening around me, outside my control and sometimes it just gets to be too much, you know?  Like, remember those days when we were young and we’d wake up to the bright chirping sounds of birds that represented our potential and promise and eat fluffy pancakes covered in syrupy hope and imagine that our lives were nothing but an endless cycle of exploration and self-discovery?  Nah, me neither but that certainly isn’t the case anymore.  Now, I just wake up and start gently weeping.  If I’m lucky, the sobs stop after an hour or two, but everyone on the subway still thinks I’m really strange.  Then comes the weekend.  Normally, I go out on the weekend and have fun.  But with all my ACT studying and college stuff and schoolwork and procrastination, I haven’t been going out as much anymore.  To me, that’s the most depressing thing.  Because what am I if not a social butterfly, fluttering about, seeking the love and attention of those around me?  I’m nothing.  A cocoon hanging its head in shame and self-disgust, that’s what I am and I know it.  So, I’ve found myself sitting at home at eleven on a friday night a few times these past months and eager to convince myself that I’m actually doing something with my life, I’ve decided to get off my ass, go to the twenty-four hour grocery store where the cashier has a crush on me, (like no joke I’m totally serious right now) buy some ingredients, and then come home and put off baking the stuff until it’s really late and I’m tired.  But you know what?  It’s actually kind of fun.  I found a really awesome site (www.cookiesandcups.com) that provides tons of easy to make, delicious recipes and I just sit there alone in my kitchen, baking some fudge or whatever, all by myself.  I’m usually alone because my parents have plans.  That’s a fun thing to realize about yourself; that you’re less social than your forty-five year old parents.  Wow.  This is bad.  I need to bake now and just purge myself of these negative vibes.  This is not zen at all.

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About julian822

This blog is informal to say the least. It's almost like an online journal, filled with stories that I find funny, interesting things/links and anything else that comes to my mind. Enjoy.
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