Everyone makes mistakes. We’re all human and if we didn’t make mistakes then I think the world would be a pretty miserable place. The thing is, I tend to make a few more mistakes than most people. It’s not like I consistently get arrested (only about once or twice a month) but every time I feel like I’m doing ok in life, I do something that quickly reminds me that I’m actually only doing a mediocre job at best. As a second semester junior, I know that this is an extraordinarily stressful time for both my friends and me. I figured that if I wrote a blog post about everything I’ve done wrong and it was funny, people might take a minute or two off from studying for the SEJFNSLIZ or whatever standardized test they’re studying for and think about their lives and put things in perspective. Here we go.
1. Eating an entire bag of Doritos does not constitute a good way to warm up for your tennis match that begins in four minutes.
2. Most of the time, teachers appreciate it when you don’t respond to their comments with puns.
3. Under no circumstances, never ever, even if your life/the world depends on it, should you tell a girl that something is their fault. This is a rough lesson to learn and in my opinion, one of the few lessons that should not be learned from experiences.
4. Just because the grocery store is having a deal on tubs of ice cream doesn’t mean you have to “take advantage of such a terrific opportunity” because apparently, you are now someone who “can sniff out deals, like those pigs and the truffles.”
5. Sometimes, just go for it.
6. Don’t look back at old posts on your blog. They are often filled with cringe-inducing uses of irony and a really poorly thought out use of some guy who only spoke in parentheses and in italics. This is also not an invitation for anyone else to go back either.
7. Don’t ask the head of the department to approve you for a class by saying that your teacher told you to take it before clarifying with your teacher which class she was even talking about
8. You shouldn’t ever reach a point in your life where you suggest bringing your dog to prom. But it’s ok, it’s only if the doorman says no.